she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
