Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
