cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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