Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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