I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
