when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
