you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
