im six kinds of drunk right now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
