GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hippo gnu deer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
