I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
