Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
