You just made me feel so damn special
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
