found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to sanitize my soul.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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