we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
