you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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