the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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