My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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