I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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