I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I need help removing her.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
