you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
