Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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