Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
