Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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