I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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