And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
