i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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