Sponge bath it is.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
