he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
