My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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