I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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