I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
