So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Randomize
