This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
