I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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