so that wasnt chicken after all
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
