you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
