i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
