I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm passing your future prison.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
