You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
