I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
