i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
