I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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