i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
