Just mADE A PArabola og urine
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
