what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
