How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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