my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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