I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
