does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
