Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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