i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
