I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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