he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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